when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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