yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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