thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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