i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
