Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Sorry about my life...
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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