The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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