A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
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