just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize
