I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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