Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
