As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Randomize
