I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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