So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
