Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
