I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
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