Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
