I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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