So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize