I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
