He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
