No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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