I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
