She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
