You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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