Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
