Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
