Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
