So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
