if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
