Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
