was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
