I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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