I can't watch pbs sober anymore
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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