I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
Randomize
