It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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