omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize