I heard we made out
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
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