What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I will be naked everywhere
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
