At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
