I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
