No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
