we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize