I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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