the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Randomize