Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
