I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Bang-toberfest begins!!
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
