she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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