btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
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