Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Randomize
