I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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