I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
