new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
