I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
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