no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
