okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
