I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
