She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Randomize
