He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
