vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
