he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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