Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
