this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
