Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
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