I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
