question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
