You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
