I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
