All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
I am naked and annoyed.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Randomize
