I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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