Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Randomize
