Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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