Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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