im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Let the clothes fall where they may.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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