he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
