Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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